Used to be, I said I never wanted kids. Then one day, it hit me and before I knew it, I was pregnant. I questioned my parenting abilities throughout my pregnancy, I feared the labor and delivery process, but most of all, I wondered if I was going to have a girl.
Fast-forward to the first week of December. Early one morning I dreamt that I was having menstrual cramps and woke up to find that I really was cramping. Through my grogginess I was able to notice that they were coming about five minutes apart. I got up, went to the bathroom (followed quickly by my husband who was "just checking" on me) and started to time the contractions. Before I knew it, we were at the hospital and 12 hours later I was holding the most beautiful baby girl in my arms. If I was scared or anxious before, it was nothing compared to how overwhelmed I felt the first time I held Little E.
Holding her, I doubted every decision I had ever made. Holding her, I didn't know what to do with the rest of my life. How would things ever be normal again with this little bundle of human?
Surprisingly, things came very naturally to me. I credit the loads of maternity books I read, the hours of Discovery Channel I watched, and the parenting classes we took. I was exceptionally surprised at how well I handled things like poop, pee and spit up. I was flabbergasted when I realized that I could usually tell what my baby wanted when she cried. I couldn't believe how easily I handled the lack of sleep (granted, my husband was a HUGE help even though he was working 6 days a week and suffering from severe sleep deprivation).
Now, I'm not saying I didn't have any rough patches. My first day home with Little E by myself with emotionally tumultuous. I had been left alone with my mother's two dogs and had not yet walked up stairs after receiving my second-degree tear. It took one trip up the stairs to realize how much pain I was really in and the thought of being left alone with a brand new baby AND two puppies completely overwhelmed me. I broke down in tears while on the phone with my mom and begged her to have someone else watch the dogs. I also immediately cashed in my prescription for the Percocet the doctor had given me.
All in all...I was VERY lucky. I had an easy labor and delivery, I had a wonderful baby who only cried when she was hungry or wet, I had a wonderful (albeit sleepy) husband who was doing way more than his fair share of taking care of me and the baby, I didn't have any postpartum depression or baby blues (with the exception of two weepy fits), and I had a very supportive and caring family who doted on my little bundle.
Fast-forward again to now. Little E is 3 months old and I couldn't imagine life without her. Yeah, life is different from what it used to be, but I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. Every day is a new learning experience for me and every day I learn that just when I thought I couldn't possibly hold anymore love in my heart for my daughter, I find a bit more room to cram some in there. The future is a bit scary, but I can't wait to find out what it holds for me and my family.
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